can't sleep

fuck, it's midnight and i just can't get things off my mind. i'm fuckin irritated/sad/mad HAAAW! i wanna die already. this is sooo stupid, i just wish everything didn't get in the way. it's killing me all over again. and to think that i wasn't anything to you...i'm just like one of them. how easily i was tooken for granted and taken advantage of. the things i did, i end up with nothing but feeling like crap. it bothers me so much to know that i wasn't that special to you. i gave my all. and for you to think that you could fill me up again with all your promises, it just didn't cut it. you meant so much to me...i sacrificed all my time and effort to make this relationship perfect so you could be happy. but why? why hurt someone so much that was so dedicated?. i know we're not perfect, but it's just too much to handle. i've been in this game for 7months now, what i deserve is a deep sincere apology. what made us go wrong? what made us so distance? =/ we'll never know. but how could you hurt me in such a way that would only make me wanna hate you more. it's like you didn't care for me at all.you didn't care about what you did,how you impacted my life, or how you would always hurt me.i really want you and i to be friends or whatevers, but it's just so hard to bear. all these feelings that i have for you, i wish you could take it with you and dig a deep hole and barry it. all this non-sense isn't doing me any better...but did i ever crossed your mind this time about being true this time around? i'm sorry to say this, but it only felt like i was used as a rebound because you got dumped by her. and really, was i? did you really wanted to work it out? or were you just looking for comfort and sympathy that time?. haaaaaaaaw, i loved you so much...and still do, but letting you go completely is the only way i can go on with my life. i hope you're truly sorry, because that night i saw you cried...i thought you were being real. but then again maybe you weren't feelin what i was feelin. i miss you so much, i hate this...why does it have to be so complicated. i know you still have feelings for her, i know you do...but could you honestly say that I impacted your life in any way?. and i'll admit this to everybody, you were my first love...and the only guy that i'd drop everything for. but with the signals you've given me...it's like i was never appreciated for all that i've done for you.